Well Mother Facebook GroupS's Birth Story
I was incomplete, at least that's how it felt, long before I stared my journey of self discovery I never really had any concept at how deeply the scars from my two previous caesareans still hadn't healed, I don't mean the physical ones, I mean the psychological ones, the ones that made me cry every time I heard of another mother giving birth vaginally to a healthy baby, or the ones in which every time I looked at my two children it brought back feelings of pain, terror and guilt and more than ever that I had failed them and failed at being the 'perfect' mother. The stages of conception, pregnancy and birth had been broken, there was no birth, there was only going to sleep and waking up. The whole process had a huge void in it and even though over a matter of time that void became a distant memory and as the physical pain ceased, I was left longing for the things that are taken for granted by other mothers who have birthed there babies vaginally, this is why I was grieving, this is why I wasn't complete.
My first child, born by emergency caesarean at thirty five weeks was rushed to special care as he was having breathing difficulties. I was wheeled into a room beside his incubator and told that this was my new baby boy. I remember thinking that it couldn't possible be my baby, as my baby was still inside of me and feeling my stomach I still expected to feel the bump which had been growing inside of me for the past few months, all that was there was an emptiness, it felt like part of me had been removed, amputated even and as I lay on the hospital bed, surrounded by crying babies all I could think of was, why am I so upset, why can't I be grateful for a live baby ? Deep down I think I knew the answer, this little thing that was surrounded by drips and monitors was because me, it was because of my failings that he was being punished.
We got on with things, we coped through colic, sleepless nights and what I now know to be post-natal depression until I became pregnant again. I knew that this was not going to be straight forward pregnancy as it had been discovered in my last pregnancy that I had gestational diabetes and with a previous caesarean this automatically put me into the 'high risk' category. I stated from the start that I would like a 'normal' birth this time and was told that I could have a trial of scar. Scans past every four weeks along with four injections of insulin a day, blood tests, wee samples, endless trips to the hospital because of badly controlled diabetes, I had turned into a patient, incapable of knowing what was best for me or my baby. So I put total trust in the Doctors and in what they were saying was right, so when they said that I would need to be induced at thirty eight weeks because of a large baby and a water infection and when they said that during the labour I would need constant foetal monitoring and an epidural in place 'just in case' I believed them, just as I had done all my life, I was sure they knew best, after all they were the professionals.
So as all my faith had gone into these Doctors, that what they were saying was right, I lay back whilst pessaries were inserted into me, two attempts later and with nothing happening, I was starting to believe that I wasn't capable of birthing my baby the 'normal' way, a caesarean was booked for the following morning and at least, this time I could be awake to watch my baby come into this world, I just wouldn't be able to feel it.
I'd been having period-like cramps all day so I decided to get a shot of pethadine from an angry night duty sister to get some rest. Pop! was all I felt as my waters gushed from me, a contraction took hold, then another, there was no time in between to recover before another hit me. I was whisked down to delivery suite in a wheel chair each contraction hitting me harder than the last. I was told to lie on the bed and as they strapped the monitors to me and phoned for my husband, it felt like I wasn't in control anymore, they held it all within there hands.
I was very tired and decided that it might be a good idea if I had an epidural but as soon as the epidural took effect my contractions stopped. Given the choice between them putting up drips and inducing me once more or heading straight to theatre I was in some ways relieved to agree to the latter. So I was wheeled to theatre, epidural in place and jewellery removed and my husband and mother sent off to get into there hospital gowns and hats. I looked around at the bright lights and monitors, the Doctors and midwives rushing around and suddenly I started to feel scared. I wasn't sure if I had made the right choice, I realised I couldn't move not only because of the epidural but because of sheer terror.
About six people rushed around, I was stripped and laid on a table, things were stuck on me, drips put up, my body wasn't my own anymore. As I lay there, naked, in front of total strangers, the majority men, it felt like I was being raped and as my husband and mother joined me all I wanted to do was get up and run away, I thought I was about to die. Finally I was covered up and a screen put across, I felt myself being basted, inflatable boots were put on my legs and the table started to tilt to one side, I thought that at any moment I would fall into a heap on the floor, like a pathetic animal waiting to die.
The surgeon raised his knife and asked "is everyone ready ?" I wanted to say no, that I had changed my mind, but nothing would come out. Then as he began to cut my stomach open I became aware that I could feel him cutting and at first it didn't hurt, but then, as he dragged the knife across me once more the pain began. It was only on one side, but I could definitely feel pain, like a dull ache at first and then the pain began to get more intense. He stopped cutting and held a cloth over where he had cut me, he held it up and I could see that it was covered in blood, my blood. They gave me some more injections and once more began to cut, but I could still feel pain, raised eyebrows where thrown around the room as they said "well we'll just have to give you a general then" No I think I need to be awake, "we have no choice" they say. I looked at my husband, he looks sympathetically and says "you have no choice". They start to busy themselves as my husband and mother are told to leave the room, no, no, no, is all I say as tears start to run down my cheeks, I finally realise that I have no choice, I nod my head and submit, and as the anaesthetic took effect I cried uncontrollably. I would never feel what it was like to give birth, once again I had failed.
I woke unsure if they had taken my baby from me, but sat to my left was my husband holding a new born baby, he was wrapped in a blanket and was being fed a bottle. I looked at this helpless little bundle and the same old feelings came back to me, this wasn't my baby, no, my baby was inside of me. I was asked if I wanted to hold him, but I made some excuse as to not wanting to drop him, but deep down inside I was scared to touch him, as if I were to touch him then the whole nightmare would become reality. Fortunately, I wasn't asked again, this time he was placed straight in my arms and as I spoke he opened his little eyes, I was the first thing that he had seen outside of my womb, but this was little consolation towards the guilt I was feeling inside.
I was told by the midwives that any subsequent pregnancy would end in another caesarean, so inside I grieved, nobody knew how I was feeling and as we come home five days later I tried so hard to bond with my baby but each time I looked at him it just reminded me of my failings.
We carried on once more and as time passed I grew to love each of my children more and learnt not to blame them for my caesareans, I had a deeper understanding of all the emotions that came with having a caesarean, therefore when I found out I was pregnant again the thought of having another absolutely terrified me. It wasn't that the pregnancy was unwanted, it was the thought of having to go through it all again that filled my mind with the same old nightmares and, as a result, I decided to find out as much information as possible on ceasareans. It was as I was reading such an article in a baby magazine that I noticed a telephone number for the VBAC(vaginal birth after ceasarean) Support and Information Group, I rang the number and spoke to a lady called Linda, she told me that there were quite a few women who had given birth vaginally after two or more ceasareans. I explained my fears and said that as I had had two previous ceasareans and that I developed gestational diabetes during pregnancy there was no way that I would be allowed to deliver 'normally'. "why ?" she asked "it's your right to have the birth that you want" she went on to tell me all my legal rights as a patient, that they couldn't force me to have another ceasarean and that the way I wanted to birth my baby wasn't weird or strange, it was perfectly normal to want a vaginal birth. To be honest at that point I did find it really hard to believe, maybe because I wasn't sure that I could give birth, that my body wasn't capable or perhaps it was just that I was scared to take control in case of another disappointment.
After going to my first ante-natal appointment with the midwives my fears were confirmed, I was told that I would not be allowed to give birth vaginally after my two previous ceasareans due to the high risk of scar rupture and that I was to be under the hospital because of the diabetes and there policy was, two c-sections, always a c-section. I came away feeling disappointed but not surprised and decided to sit back and wait for the information to arrive from the VBAC Support and Information Group, it arrived a few days later, with a list of books to read all about VBAC. I went to my local library and put in a request for about six, gradually they arrived, full of statistics and facts, questioning hospital procedure and for the first time I started to look at what had happened in my previous pregnancies, why I hadn't achieved my goal, why I had failed and slowly it all made sense, I had no belief in myself, how could I ever achieve what I wanted if I was told right from the start that it could not be achieved. If the use of medical intervention hadn't be proved to have a better outcome than a natural birth and over all that vaginal birth was safer than a ceasarean even after two or more ceasareans, there it was in black and white. So with a different perspective I phoned the VBAC Support and Information Group and spoke to a lady called Caroline. She understood the way I felt and became one of the very few people who actually believed that I could birth my baby naturally and vaginally.
I read a book called Silent Knife by Nancy Wainer-Cohen from cover to cover and this became my Bible for the next few months. I gained in knowledge, I gained in strength and with that strength came power. I took back control, I only attended ante-natal appointments which I thought necessary, I refused routine scans to check the size of my baby, knowing that they were not always correct in predicting the baby's weight and most of all I took control of the diabetes and was able to maintain good sugar levels.
On consulting with my professor about a vaginal birth his reaction was not surprisingly not very understanding. He told me the usual course of action would be another ceasarean at thirty eight/thirty nine weeks, due to some babies in a diabetic mother being still born if left to full term when the diabetes is not well controlled and also as I had had two ceasarean's previously I was a high risk case. "Of course" he said "you may well want a ceasarean by the end of your pregnancy anyway, having had enough by then, but," he continued "we will go ahead with a trial of scar before forty weeks and see what happeneds". I was stunned that he could actually think I might want a ceasarean, still I was relieved that he hadn't bombarded me with tales of scar rupture and death, like I had read about so many times in other women's birth stories.
I still needed to attend the hospital if only to show them that I was controlling my diabetes well. Unfortunately with every appointment came the same questions, I expect you'll be having another ceasarean again ?.... won't you ?....why not ?....why do you want a vaginal birth ?.....why don't you want these scans ?....were to mention a few I came upon, I began to dread each appointment and soon came to realise that I would never have the support of the hospital or midwives, so I decided that perhaps I may be able to get support of an independent midwife, unfortunately, there was only one in Bristol and she was due to be on holiday around the time my baby was due, but she was able to put me in touch with a lady called Amanda who was a practising herbalist and natural healer. She also help counsel women in preparing for the births that they desired. She had had a VBAC herself so was more than understanding when we met for our first appointment. Little did I know what a god send she would turn out to be and as our appointments progressed every two weeks, I learnt to confront my two previous ceasareans and found that I had gained so much strength from them, I realised that I didn't have the knowledge or understanding about my body or mind to birth my babies and that overall I didn't have any faith or belief in myself.
I began speaking about my new found knowledge which sometimes fell upon deaf ears, these people had no understanding of when I talked of relaxation and visualisation and scoffed when I mentioned that I would be using these methods to help birth my baby both naturally and vaginally. I realised fairly soon that it was a waste of time and energy trying to convince them, that it was a pointless task talking to them about what I was going to achieve and what they didn't know was that everytime they criticised me it made me that much stronger and adamant that I was going to do it, I was going to birth my baby.
My Husband who started off by thinking I was on a crusade began to listen to me, so much so he even attended birthing classes, he started to read the things that I had and gradually his views changed to the same as mine, so I had the emotional support but still I wasn't convinced that my team of midwives were behind me and what worried me most was that when I went into labour I would be bombarded with medical intervention's that were not necessary. So I set about solving the problem and arranged a meeting with as many of the midwives as possible. A meeting was arranged for the following week as I was fastley approaching my due date, unfortunately only two of the midwives were available to attend one of them was on call and the other was only part-time, but I was told that the Acting Community Midwifery Manager would also be coming to the meeting. I had spoken to The Acting Community Midwifery Manager before when I enquired whether it would be possible for me to have a midwife who would be more supportive of VBAC's, I was told be her that she had never heard of anyone giving birth after two ceasareans before and that I was a 'high risk' case and would therefore be risking both my baby's life and my own if I did not have the medical intervention that I had been advised to have, so I knew that I would have a hard job in convincing them of what I needed.
Amanda and I arrived at the hospital one sweltering hot afternoon and we were told to wait whilst the Acting Community Midwifery Manager was told we had arrived, she appeared a few minutes later and told us that the midwife who would be attending the meeting was caught up in traffic, but was on her way, the other midwife was unable to attend as she was attending a women in labour. We were then led into a very hot room, given a cup of water and asked if we would like to sit down. I was asked politely, if some what dismissivley by the Acting Community Midwifery Manager if I had brought my notes, I told her I had not, so I guess we didn't get off to the best of starts.
The midwife joined us about fifteen minutes later, after we had already started the meeting, by then sweat was pouring from my brow and my hands that were clenching my birth plan had dampened the paper, it felt like we were being interrogated as me and Amanda sat side by side opposite the midwife and Acting Community Midwifery Manager. We started to what seemed to be over two hours of them asking why I wanted to birth my baby in such away and with me defending myself with all the information I had learnt about and why I thought it best, both physically and mentally to have as natural a birth as possible. I had stated from the start that if either myself of the baby were to be in any danger, I would gladly have a ceasarean, but this didn't seem to convince them of what I was saying. After being told by the Acting Community Midwifery Manager that a midwife would not be sent to me if one wasn't available, we left very disheartened that I hadn't really been listened to. Later that night as I was laying in bed, I remembered all the things that they had said to me, tales of scar rupture, babies getting stuck in the birth canal, veins bursting and worst of all that I had been told that my pregnancy wasn't a 'normal' one and that as I had had two ceasareans and had gestational diabetes that I, as a pregnant women wasn't 'normal' either. This upset me and I did think at that point was it all worth it, but I refocused myself and read some more inspiring birth stories of VBAC and realised that I would have to be stronger than them, that I would have to rise above their fears, after all I knew what I was capable of more than anyone else.
My due date approached and Amanda found me a fabulous birthing assistant called Suzanne, she was going to share the care of my birth with Amanda. Still I was worried about the care I was going to receive from the midwives and hospital staff and whether a midwife would attend me at home or whether I would be forced to go into hospital too early, therefore putting me at more risk from needless medical interventions and complications, not to mention the fact that I wouldn't be able to relax surrounded by machines and that awful smell of hospitals which always hit me when I walk through the doors.
A few days later a midwife arrived to write in my notes all the things that had been discussed at the meeting, my husband was there when, yet again, we were taken once more through my birth plan and once more, I had to defend my wishes and I was told tales of panic and chaos and that I would probably change my mind during labour anyhow.
A few days later I started to get a few niggle's of pain during the night, thinking that things were starting I found it hard to get back to sleep so I paced around. Unfortunately with day light the contractions stopped, but they started up again once it was dark and we decided it might be best if my Mother came over just in case things started to happen and we had to go to hospital. The contractions started to get stronger so Suzanne joined us and helped me through my contractions by humming I found it hard to relax and was quite relieved when my Mother offered to take the children back to her house, I knew that if they were with her that I wouldn't have to worry about them and I could put all my energy into the labour.
After quite a few hours of strong but not very regular contractions I decided it might be best to call out a
midwife to see if anything was actually happening. I was quite nervous about calling them as I remembered being told that one would only be
sent if one was available, for some reason I had a feeling that one would not be available and my fears were confirmed and as each
contraction passed whilst my husband was on the phone to the midwife who was on call, it became harder top concentrate, I recall my husband
saying;
"They won't send one".
"Why not ?" I replied, trying to re-focus myself on the next contraction.
"She says she's the only midwife on duty tonight and she can't leave the hospital as she's attending a birth, she wants to know if you'll
come in ?" my husband asked as he put the phone to his chest.
"I don't want to go in too early" I say as another contraction hits me hard because I'm not concentrating.
"She says she can't, there's nobody else available, she's gone to get the sister on delivery suite" said my husband who's getting more and
more agitated at being in the middle of an impending row. I hear him having a conversation with the sister who's obviously telling him that
they are really busy on delivery suite and that it would be better for me to come in, better for who I think, certainly not me. I start to
feel angry and frustrated as my husband puts down the phone. "they say you have to come in, there too busy to come out" he says as another
contraction takes hold. "I'm not going in, they have to come out by law "I stated abruptly "I knew this was going to happen" I say as
my words drift into another hum coached by Suzanne, she could see I was getting uptight. "Ring them back", said Suzanne "be polite but firm
and tell them you want a midwife to come to the house". So my husband rang the hospital for the second time and got through to the
midwife...."please could you send out a midwife" said my husband. I start to get annoyed and feel like I want to snatch the phone off of
him and yell at them to send somebody, forget politeness I think as I clamber onto all fours, this is not the time to be having an
argument.
I vaguely remember him asking, "so is that your final word on the matter ?", a short pause and then he replaced the receiver. All sorts of things went through my mind, should I risk going in and have them put a time limit on my labour, should I stay at home and carry on, not knowing if this was labour or not, I was in turmoil, not knowing what to do and it did start to upset me. I remember what the Acting Community Midwifery Manager had said, that although it would be possible to get a midwife from another area for a home birth, she would not be prepare to do this for me and that if both midwives who were on call were unavailable I would have to go in to hospital. I was contemplating what I was going to do next when the phone rang, it was the midwife saying that a midwife from another area would be on her way. All I could think was why didn't they do this in the first place, why all the bother ?
So we waited, all I could think was what was she going to be like, I had visions of an angry midwife turning up and swearing at me for getting her out of bed and I think that this was having an affect on my contractions as they started to ease off and become less regular.
The midwife arrived and to my surprise was fairly understanding, all though she did express concern when she noticed my two scars, but she couldn't see why I shouldn't have a vaginally birth in hospital if I wished and this put me at ease a little and I felt it might be quite positive if I were to have an internal examination. I was found to be three centermetres dilated and to anybody else this may have seemed as only a little step, but for me it gave me more belief in myself, I was actually starting to open up, my glee was only short lived as with the coming of day light, along with another midwife from my team, my contractions stopped. Whether I could put this down to the stress that I had gone through and all the upset, I don't know, but I am sure it couldn't have helped. I was advised to go in, but seeing as things had stopped I decided that it might be a good idea to have a few walks to get things going again.
So the children stayed at my mums, my husband got some sleep and me and Suzanne went for a walk and although I got the odd contraction nothing really started again until night time. Suzanne had gone home in the afternoon as, not surprisingly she was shattered so we called her back out and spent another night full of humming and back rubs and trying to relax and relax we all did, so much so that everyone fell asleep I couldn't blame them, it was only the contractions that were keeping me awake, so feeling sorry for myself I sloped off to the bathroom as instinct told me that I should have a bath, to my astonishment, when I got into the water my contractions got very strong, but I felt the water help me to really relax in between. I started to become very vocal, so much so I woke everybody up and come morning light I knew the time was right to go to hospital.
So we got into the car just in time for Amanda to arrive and take over from Suzanne, who was going home for her daughters birthday party, off we went, notes in one hand, labour bag in the other and arrived at the hospital a few minutes later. I knew as soon as I walked through the door that the contractions were easing once more. After another internal when I was found to be five centermetres dilated, we were told there was no hot water and listening to the workmen who were refurbishing the delivery suite we decided it might be best if we went home. To my amazement the midwife who was on duty agreed (I had been told that once I was in hospital they wouldn't be happy to let me go again). So off we went back home, I arrived feeling very low and disappointed and to be honest I was starting to have real doubts as to whether I could birth this baby vaginally, my only consolation was that my little baby had stayed strong throughout the turmoil and not once had his heartbeat flickered, I took his kicks as a sign that he was telling me to carry on, that he was going to be fine.
Amanda and Suzanne came around the following morning to discuss what had happened and what could be gained from it. I suspect they knew I was feeling disappointed so we talked and discussed and wrote a list of all the positive things that had happened and I cried enabling me to let go of all the things that were causing me fear.
My husband went back to work, the children stayed at my mums and I felt totally frustrated, maybe it had all stopped because I was so exhausted, maybe it was all the commotion of going to hospital, I will never know, but as the days passed and we pined for our children in an empty, very quite house I knew I was more than ready to give birth. I tried several different things to get things started, if only to make myself feel like I was doing something useful. I guess in the end you can't force mother nature, things will happen when they are ready.
I had booked acupuncture for the morning and was waiting for the lady to arrive when I opened the mornings mail. One of the letters took me aback for a moment until I read it again, it was from the Acting Community Midwifery Manager. She had written a letter going over the points that were made in the meeting, how by me labouring at home, might have fatal consequences on me and my unborn baby, that a midwife would only be sent if one was available and if they thought it appropriate, that I would not be allowed the use of the birthing pool because of hospital policy, the list went on and at that point I felt devastated, had she not listened to a word I had said, why was she outdated with her information ?....The questions spun round in my head, why was she doing this to me ?....I only wanted_to birth my baby the same way as everyone else , I knew I was right, yet in reading that letter it made me feel a failure once more, it was obvious that she along with the midwives under her, didn't believe I could do it. My husband told me to forget it and to put it to one side and perhaps I could of if it wasn't for a cruel twist of fate that my body and the baby decided that it was time for me to go into labour on that particular day.
It started with a very bad dose of the runs whilst I was at my mothers visiting the children, I knew that this was a good sign I might go into labour and not wanting to put a jinx on things I sent my husband off to his evening job as usual. I went home and tried to relax as much as possible and after a visit from Suzanne I went upstairs to lie down on my bed and watch some television, it was during a very exciting part of one of my favourite programs that I felt a pop!...at first I wasn't sure what it was, but it soon dawned on me that my waters had broken, there was no going back now, it was all starting to happen. I phoned my husband at work and told him not to hang around, and for about and hour nothing really happened, it was quite eerie really, but then all of a sudden, things started to hot up and by the time my husband arrived home from work I was in full blown active labour. After my husband insisted that I should go to hospital (I think he was worried I was going to have the baby right there and then), and with me telling him in no uncertain words that I was not ready, we phoned Suzanne who came round straight away, it wasn't long after that that I decided that I wanted to go to hospital and after a detour back home because we forgot my notes we arrived at the hospital doors once more, I knew this time things were not going to stop.
I remember feeling very angry and was very outspoken when they told me that I had to wait for a room to be cleaned! After about thirty minutes we were led to a room where we pulled the mattress off the bed, closed the blinds and dimmed the lights. Unfortunately, my midwifery team were not available and I was assigned a hospital midwife. After telling her that "no I did not want constant foetal monitoring.....no I did not want to see the doctors to discuss what would happen if any complications should arise....no I did not need a venflon sited", I decided that I wanted an internal examination to determine how things were progressing and to my delight I was found to be eight centimetres dilated, it was a relief to hear Suzanne say that things were not going to get any worse.
I started to get tremendous urges to push a little while later, but felt that there was something stopping my baby from coming out. After another internal I was then found to be nine centimetres dilated, but part of my cervix hadn't changed from the previous internal. I was told straight away that I should have an emergency ceasarean and if it wasn't for my husband and Suzanne I am sure they would have pressured me more, as it was I was given a time limit of about and hour and then they would review my situation, of course I knew exactly what they meat by this and I remember feeling very annoyed that they hadn't really given me a fair chance, I was coping well with each contraction and there was no signs of foetal distress.
As I laid down on my side to take the pressure off the baby's head, who was being a little squashed by me bearing down, because the urges to push were so strong, it was like something was taking over my body, it was so powerful, like nothing I had ever experienced before and yet it was so amazing too, I could feel my body working towards birthing my baby, I could feel my body opening up and I felt exhilarated.
The midwife suggested gas and air to help me relax a little and allow myself to open up just that little bit more and not put so much pressure on the baby's head, I didn't particularly like the feelings I got from using it, but it did help to stop me pushing so much, time seemed to rush by without me realising it, it was so surreal, it was like I wasn't really there and when I felt my body change and the contraction change too I had to really think whether I was imagining it, so I put down the mask and concentrated hard on what I was feeling.
As the contraction started I felt myself push and with that push I felt my baby move down, it was really strange, I always thought that it would be the worst pain imaginable to have a baby move down the birth canal, but it didn't hurt, it was a wonderful feeling. I told my husband what I was feeling and he hesitated slightly as I don't think he could believe it. By the time the midwives, who were chatting outside of the room (about what to do next) came back into the room, my baby's head was already crowning. I could feel it all happening, I could feel each movement my baby made, I could feel his head being born as I pushed with all the strength that I had within my body, I could feel his body slide out of me and then felt a feeling of immense satisfaction and relief overwhelm me, at first I wasn't sure if he had been born it all seemed like some kind of dream but then I heard his first cry and as he was passed between my legs I looked at him, this baby had just come from inside of me, this baby was only a few seconds old, this baby was mine. The whole process was now complete, conception, pregnancy and birth, it all made sense and as the room exploded with tears not of fear or disappointment but of sheer joy and excitement and I looked at my new born baby boy, who turned from blue to purple to a wonderful pink I knew that I had done it, I had proved them all wrong, I didn't fail this time, no, this time I was complete.
Throughout the labour I listened to what my body was telling me and controlled my own sugar levels without the use of drugs and medical intervention, I gave birth to a healthy nine pounds twelve and a half ounces baby boy, vaginally, whilst in a upright position on my knees holding onto my husband for support. My placenta was birthed twenty minutes later without the use of drugs or intervention and I was able to look and touch this wonderful thing that had supported my baby throughout the pregnancy.
I was able to walk around ten minutes later and make all the phone calls that I had promised. I was able to dress my baby and spend time bonding with him without interference and best of all, I came home six hours later and was able to spend time with all of my children as a family getting to know our new arrival.
I am sure that if I where to do it all again, that I would make changes in some of my choices, one of which would be to birth my baby in the comfort of my own home surrounded by the things that are important to me, but one thing I am sure of is that I would take responsibility for the birth of my child, that I would question the need for medical intervention in something which after all is a natural event and that over all I would want the safest mode of delivery for my baby, which is vaginally.
The sooner the medical profession realise that yes, it is our bodies that birth are babies, but it is our minds that control what our bodies do, the sooner the high rate of ceasareans will fall and mothers like me will not be deprived of those vital first few minutes after giving birth, when you look down and see this little being who has made a journey from inside of you, from being a part of you, to a life of its own, that is something which I will never forget and can only seen and felt as priceless.
I would like to thank the following people for their support and dedication........
My husband, who helped me even when things got tough.
My Mother, Father and Sister who may have been worried at times, but still supported me in what I wanted and in whom I could trust the safety of my two children.
Suzanne, who gave me strength when I wanted to give up and gave me ample encouragement to birth my baby vaginally.
Amanda, who supported and worked with me to achieve my goal and helped me make a journey which was sometimes painful.
Caroline and Linda of the VBAC Support and Information Group who helped me gain knowledge, power and determination when all was against me.
Kerry, my friend who understood why I needed to birth my baby the way I chose and who was always just a phone call away.
And finally, my children, Jaden, Danny and Macaulay who are, and always will be my life.
I am in gratitude to all of the above for without them and people like them I would be nursing yet another wound from yet another ceasarean, I achieved what I once thought to be impossible and to them all I am truly grateful.
'S'
( There are a few other VBAC stories at the Vaginal Birth After Cesarean section of childbirth.org )